Archive for the ‘Fear’ Category


There are so many things to explore, be grateful for and love in this world, why are there some who would rather control or bully their way through life? Are these types really comfortable in their own body, or do they get their kicks by making others be at the whim of their ideas, mood, likes, dislikes, and basically try to mold others into their bullying, controlling mold.
It would seem that the divine made us all in his image, however each different, for us to cultivate that difference into a caring compassionate, growing learning about each other, and not a put down, bully, controlling attitude. It would also seem that these bullies are really the issue and not the ones they are trying to control. After all if the bully said jump off a bridge would you do it, absolutely not, then, just walk away and acknowledge that you are better for doing so.

And so it is!


Throught each life time – run rivers to cross
What if there’s no life line and you’re sinking or lost
Just believe in your direction
Let your heart explore
Cause you can’t reach new horizons
Standing on the shore

There are mountains – we need to climb
But the mountains standing in the way are only in our minds
And the risk of all
So just listen to the voice that says
I’ll catch you if you fall

On the other side of doubt is faith
On the other side of pain lies strength
The journey may seem endless
And You know the road is rough
But on the other side of fear… is love

For such a long time I put my dreams aside
The tides of change felt dangerous
The mountains seemed too high
But my dreams were slowly fading
As time went quickly by
So I held me breath with every step
Never knowing I would find…

On the other side of doubt is faith
On the other side of pain lies strength
The journey may seem endless
And You know the road is rough
But on the other side of fear… is love

The Other Side Lyrics

Artist: Anne Murray (Buy Anne Murray CDs)
Album: Anne Murray

It is so challenging to be still and know that I am love. I am always, or my mind is always running, day, noon and night. I really think it is running in one capacity or another 24/7/365 days a year. When I think about it, I wonder if it actually does really turn off even when we are asleep, even for a minute?
I do find prayer and meditation a great way to be still and become close to beloved Divine Love/God.
Is there a true place where stillness takes over and there is no other way to be than letting it overcome our fears, desires, passions, and dreams to bring us to a safer,calmer, and more spiritual place?
I guess that is why we call it a journey, an ever-moving, always changing, never-ending road to Divine Love on the way and forever.

We have had some classic cars show up today. I thought I would share my first car with you. A 1971 Dodge Dart, it was a 7-year-old car when I got it. This car pictured is very close in color and design. It was really difficult to find a picture online that looked like the original, as most of them have had a paint job or two since then.

My father was a used car salesman. He called me one day and I went down to the car lot. Of course like a 16-year-old would say, I said to myself, “OMG! what kind of car does Dad have picked out, I know I am going to hate it” or “I wanted to pick it out, as I am extremely independent”

Well, let me tell you, I loved it.
Even though I had to pay my own payments, gas, and insurance (I worked at A & W as a carhop, and at a nursing Home as a nursing assistant. The freedom of being able to have my own wheels was awesome. Not to mention my all time favorite color-BLUE.

I have to say that I have two extremes of my caring nature; not a good middle ground. I either smother with too much, too fast, or stifle the light, myself, and the relationship with not enough.

Well first let me say, I would like to go to South Carolina for my Grand Nieces First Birthday!
It would be great, however I do not have the finances or the time to take off of work. Well I will discern it a bit and figure out what I can do.

In the meantime, I wonder where the journey is going to lead me rather than thinking about where I want to go. I have long ago decided that it is not me that decides where I go, it is on God’s timeline.
I used to think it was my hubby’s timeline, as we moved from state to state, however there was something else that we were not even aware of driving the journey. I truly believe everything happens to us for a reason and truly makes us stronger, even though I struggle between conscious awareness and unconscious challenges in my thinking. Sometimes I want to run away, far far away, other times I want to just sit in my car and be, other times I don’t want to get in the car/race at all. Even if there is sweet music on the radio, a great view with the sunroof, and a guidance system to lead me on the journey, there are times when the thought of going somewhere just blows me under and I would rather go nowhere, or stop at a way stop. I guess the key is to set the guidance system, take a leap of faith, dare to risk, and talk on the cell phone while I am on the journey, although not in Illinois, as it is illegal to talk on your phone in some areas. Oh and I might even stop to get more fuel on the way, maybe even a candy bar!

Attached is a picture of my new care–2010 Hyundai Tuscon……

I would say that I had a lot of dreams with little monsters under my bed, in the toy box or in the back of the closet. They happened to be friendly monsters that would come out to play, however there were times when they absolutely terrified me. I usualy would sleep with some kind of light on somewhere. I wonder if my mom will read this add to this story or not! I also later in junior high had the usual dreams of coming back from vacation and forgetting my locker number, class schedule, or combination to my locker or gym locker. There were and still are scary dreams of someone coming to my room and waking me up in the middle of the night to scare me. Most recently I have dreams of rollercoasters, which I have always hated, and water slides!


I would have to say that walking out the same day, from a company I was with for twenty years is probably the top one on the list!! There were things that were not being resolved with HR and employees who were downright harrassing. As a supervisor I had had enough. I left the same day I turned in my resignation and do not regret it for a minute. It has helped me grow in wisdom, character, and integrity; not to mention gaining a very satisfying position 3 months later. After basically putting my husband in shock, and having a few close friends get me through, I am more at peace and say move on, move on to where you are appreciated for what you are, what you do, and what you have accomplished

Life has been exhilarating, challenging, loving, fun, laughable, pain, joy, laughter, tears…..I am and have been always where I was supposed to be, right at the right time, in God’s time, not my own. I struggle and challenge the reins, but it always comes, but in due time……Patience is truly a virtue.

Where am I going?….Don’t know exactly, however enjoying the journey.

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